Aquarius girl funny horoscopes. Comic horoscope of Aquarius
With Aquarius, nothing is ever completely clear. Either they are brilliant or crazy, but often there is a combination of both. For the good of humanity, it is better for Aquarians to live alone, better somewhere on a desert island surrounded by the same chattering parrots. These are worthy competitors of Gemini in terms of love for communication, chatting about nothing in a secular company. Often these people are rebels, they mindlessly and stubbornly fight against the rules. They are big fans of destroying something, demolishing the old to the ground, but in the name of what - this is not completely known either to those around them or to themselves. It is Aquarius who starts all these fantastic revolutions, the goal of which is to save humanity and establish paradise on earth. Major, not cosmetic repairs are their element.
Aquarians, regardless of gender, are charming. They, like those notorious chervonets, are liked by literally everyone. For all their charm, they are completely immoral. They feel and quickly respond to the call of nature. These people are always shrouded in a light trail of extravagance and inadequacy, which only multiplies the crowds of their fans. They are great fans of giving advice, and what is noteworthy is that their advice works, even if in the lives of Aquarius themselves things are going just as they should.
Aquarius parents turn gray earlier than many others. Their children are always ready for exploits and adventures: either they test new cosmetics and hair dye (and boys too), or they invent something, or even disappear from home altogether. They love to indulge in all sorts of pyrotechnic things, their chemical experiments threaten to blow up the school, but Aquarians themselves explain this by the development of technical abilities, which are so relevant in modern conditions. Sometimes their active mental development ends in imprisonment, because it is among Aquarius that hackers are raised who are trying to disarm the Pentagon with the help of malicious viruses.
Surely every Aquarius has his own skeleton in his closet, clearly reeking, if not of outright criminality, then of small-scale shady affairs. Despite the fact that Aquarians are so charming, so white and fluffy, they are capable of committing a crime without the slightest remorse. Unlike, say, the same Gemini, they understand well what they are getting into, but they still continue to go.
If we talk about Aquarius men as a life partner, then most often they are absent from home - both in soul and body. As a rule, they do not have the slightest interest in household chores. At best, they will come up with some ingenious invention, for example, for peeling potatoes, which they themselves will never use in practice. Sometimes the tortured wives of Aquarius even doubt whether their husbands remember their names. And for good reason! It is Aquarians who forget their wives at gas stations and discover their absence only when, after a couple of hundred kilometers, they have to present their passports at the border control for inspection.
The older Aquarians of both sexes get, the more unpredictable they become. They would be able to set up a shelter for birds at home or house adherents of some dubious sect. They can fall into asceticism, sleep on bare floors or boards, eat exclusively carrots and potatoes from their own garden, and explain all this solely by the need for spiritual development. But the truth is completely different. Already in their youth, many Aquarians are suspiciously thrifty, and in old age they tend to turn into monstrous misers. Aquarius will probably have nest eggs in different banks, but if this is your relative, do not even have the illusion that after his death you will be able to count on something. He bequeathed his entire inheritance to his cats.
Dates: 21.01-19.02
Element: Air
Planet: Saturn (Uranus)
About the zodiac constellation Aquarius
Aquarius(lat. ) - a large zodiac constellation located between Capricorn and Pisces.
General characteristics of the Zodiac sign Aquarius:
The purpose of life: Understanding the mysteries of life
Cherished dream: uniqueness and originality
Important note: The Age of Aquarius has begun and therefore Aquarius is the current leader of the Zodiac signs. The focus of most people will begin to shift from the material to the spiritual. Many discoveries will be made at this time.
Aquarians are not born to follow anyone. They are very intellectual, so among them there are many eccentric people, inventors and very great individualists. Aquarians, in some incomprehensible way, are able to coexist on several levels at the same time, which is why they sometimes go to extremes.
They are humanitarians and often devote themselves to social work. Aquarians are very sociable and have a whole carload of acquaintances and friends :).
In general, Aquarians are similar to each other in that they are not like anyone else, since they are very great individualists. Their uniqueness may seem eccentric or even crazy to some people. Aquarians are known for their ability to constantly think about something - it is not surprising that many of them have headaches (from too many ideas) and are sometimes attacked by insomnia.
A fun horoscope that will reveal the light (or dark) side of your personality.
Mostly terribly funny! Sometimes really crazy! Character, love, money, future and much more.
Make yourself and your friends who were born under the constellation Aquarius (21.01 – 19.02) laugh.
WARNING: may cause a heart attack or nervous attack in those who take themselves too seriously.
Character:
Aquarians are intellectuals. This means that they really know a lot about unimportant things. Try to marvel at the splendor of a red sunset in the presence of an Aquarius and be prepared for a long lecture about the orbits of the planets, the wavelength of light and grains of dust in the atmosphere. Aquarians are not romantics. In fact, Aquarians use the word "romantic" to talk about John Keats, William Blake and Latin - all the things that liberal arts students can't stand.
If there is a person in the world with a rebellious heart, then it is certainly Aquarius. Aquarians simply love to go against generally accepted concepts and norms. Not surprisingly, they rose to defend ideas such as lobotomy, break dancing and salmon-flavored ice cream. This freethinking stops on their 60th birthday, when they suddenly become stubborn, eccentric, old bastards.
Aquarians are independent people (which is a polite way of saying they have no friends). It is almost impossible to have any kind of relationship with an Aquarius, but if someone tries to start one, remember: the risk of brain bleeding in this case is extremely high.
Why people associate with Aquarians is one of the most intriguing mysteries in sociology. Various theories put forward by experts on this matter may serve as the topic of a new documentary.
Here's the weird thing about Aquarians: they seem to really enjoy getting rid of things. Therefore, everyone perceives them as altruists. They will never get bored of having a sale in their garden.
Love:
Close your eyes and imagine the love life of a medieval hermit living in a damp cave. Introduced? That’s good: now you have a real picture of what kind of love life an Aquarius has. In love, Aquarians have absolutely no happiness, but they know this very well. If Aquarius ever starts a relationship, it will be only thanks to the misfortune of their partner. Luckily for the latter, this relationship won't last too long.
Finance:
Money is another invention of humanity that is fatal for Aquarius. Well, who else, besides Aquarius, would risk their life hunting wild bulls for a meager reward? More and more people today will agree to do almost anything to get their hands on banknotes. Aquarius, for example, is not at all embarrassed by the funny situations in which they find themselves.
Future:
Aquarius has great hope for the future, in what they call the "New Age of Aquarius." It is then, they believe, that the age of progress and knowledge will begin, not to mention such fun things as secret rituals, magical drinks and naked dancing in the moonlight.
One day, it's true, Aquarius will invent something that will curse the fate of all mankind. The only chance to avoid this catastrophe is to spell the fate of all Aquarians before they take the opportunity to invent something else.
Aquarius Celebrities:
Galileo Galilei, Charles Darwin, Abraham Lincoln, Jules Verne, Anton Chekhov, Boris Pasternak, Clark Gable, Alice Cooper, Somerset Maugham, Francis Bacon, George Gordon Byron, Edouard Manet, Lewis Carroll, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Tengiz Abuladze, Jules Verne, Bertolt Brecht.
Ideal job:
Aquarius excels at the existence of mad scientists - and madness in general. Many astrologers agree that they make great wizards.
Woman: Typical hippie. She has gigabytes of male friends and will immediately dump you if you start forbidding her to communicate with them. She doesn't care about money...
She loves freedom and therefore does not want to become very attached to any one person. She's only slightly interested in sex, so there's no way to approach her from that side either. Sometimes she has specific outbursts, during which she can do completely wild tricks. During these failures, it is just better to cling to it. In bed he behaves with dignity, but rarely gets real pleasure from sex.
An aesthetic egoist. But without charm. As a rule, he is intelligent and, with the appropriate education, can impress with his intellect. He can talk about everything in the world endlessly. Loves to be the center of attention. He often falls in love, but quickly loses interest if the next passion does not catch up (what can we say about surpassing!) with his brains. Inventive in sex. Values freedom, both spiritual and physical. He will walk to the left as long as his health allows.
Nowadays it is hardly possible to find a person who has not read horoscopes. But in our age of science, not everyone trusts astrology, although in many ways it turns out to be accurate. But a funny characterization may well interest even the most hardened skeptics. You can pass the time by reading humorous horoscopes, have fun in company, and even learn the basics of astrology. A light humorous form, aptly emphasizing the main qualities of each sign, is quite helpful in this interesting matter.
Aries
All the cool characteristics of the zodiac signs agree on one thing: you won’t be able to find a more stubborn debater than this capricious and stubborn lamb.
Aries hates everyday routine, but he will be happy to hang around and give out his innovative ideas incessantly. It's almost impossible to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. But there is one little trick. Say that the other person will do it better. At this point, Aries will smash itself into pieces to prove its leadership and superiority.
The fiery nature of Aries is marked by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. In terms of the time that this person is willing to spend on conquering the object of his passion, he has no equal. A ram, he is also a ram in Africa, going straight through the jungle. Aries in this matter can even be called a rocket - he acts instantly, assertively, and it is simply unrealistic to get rid of his advances. “You are attractive, I am damn attractive, so why waste time” - this is his motto in love.
Taurus
Here he is, a worthy competitor to Aries in terms of stubbornness. This will be confirmed to you not only by ordinary horoscopes, but also by any funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Moreover, to the enviable tenacity comes as a “bonus” fierce conservatism. Try to get a Taurus to throw out some of the outdated household trash and you will understand. Whether it’s a damaged CD, a notebook left over from school, or torn sneakers, it doesn’t matter. For him, all these things are valuable. And Taurus are also terrible bores: listening to their endless teachings, you can not only fall asleep, but also snore.
Representatives of this constellation are closed individuals. It's easier to talk to a wall than to talk to a Taurus. At least you'll hear a hum when you knock on it. In the case of Taurus, the afterlife silence and ringing silence will remain.
Taurus's attitude towards love is the same as towards things - the more money and time he spent pursuing you, the more valuable you will be to him. And don’t expect originality in courtship - Taurus’s conservatism also extends to amorous matters.
Twins
They are easy in deeds and thoughts. The twins are from that breed of people who will advocate “for any kind of kipish, except for a hunger strike.” As noted by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, in terms of date of birth and character, these individuals fully correspond to eccentric individuals who have a whole company of winds walking in their heads.
Gemini's love of chatter is truly catastrophic for those who are not Geminis themselves. They can not stop talking for many hours, completely oblivious to the reactions of others. It seems that even at his own wake, Gemini will rise from the coffin and tell the fainting guests an appropriate joke on the topic.
The laziness of these individuals is as legendary as their conversational skills. Due to the reluctance to delve into a topic and study it for a long time, they superficially describe this or that phenomenon, picking up a little of everything. The ideal profession for them is one that will help them earn a million instantly and without unnecessary movements. Oh yes, Geminis need a lot of money, because they spend it as easily and naturally as they chat on the phone.
Cancer
The natures are intelligent, soft and romantic, even if they look like a stale loaf, a brutal lout or an uncouth hillbilly. When watching non-children's films of an erotic nature, they always secretly hope that in the end the main characters will get married.
A funny characterization of the zodiac signs compares Cancers to their namesakes from the animal world. Like them, representatives of this constellation, if they take a careful step forward, then immediately run back. They are indecisive types who, because of their caution, are afraid to even change - you never know what’s on the other person’s mind.
It is undesirable to joke sparklingly in the presence of Cancer, because these people are sentimental and can get upset even because of light humor directed at them or their loved ones. Satire about animals is a strict taboo. They would rather survive an earthquake and tsunami than endure dark humor about unfortunate dogs and cats. You should also joke about love affairs more carefully and preferably in a romantic way - then Cancer will tell the story that amused him to everyone for a long time.
a lion
The one and only He is proud and majestic, even if he finds himself locked in a zoo cage. The wild cries of nearby animals do not interest him - he is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. If we consider the main characteristics of the zodiac signs, the funny description highlights the royalty of this person, whose arrogance, it seems, no trouble can knock down.
What is good for Leo himself is not very fun and pleasant for his loved ones, because he requires treatment worthy of his status. In his opinion, those around him should be glad that His Highness is nearby. The lion's aura is capable of eclipsing everything around with its radiance, painting even a muddy swamp with all the colors of the rainbow.
However, sometimes the whirlpool of events that Leo generates around himself may end up with something completely different from what he would like. What can you do, such is the strength of the royal will. Do you want to recognize a Leo in your environment? Listen to the manner of conversation: the use of the pronoun “I” by this type will exceed all possible limits. Not such a bad quality in our age for a person who wants to make a dizzying career, would you agree?
Virgo
A true proof that appearances can be deceiving are the representatives of this constellation. It would seem that when we hear the word “virgin,” our imagination pictures us of a sweet, fragile and vulnerable creature who sits at home doing needlework. Astrologers who compose the characteristics of the zodiac signs disagree with this idea. The funny irony of fate is that in reality things are “a little” different. Instead of a sensitive friend, a supporter during difficult times, a comrade-in-arms in all endeavors, Virgo could easily turn out to be... a serial killer. Yes, yes, statistics claim that most maniacs were born under this zodiac sign (what else can you expect from such neat and tidy people?).
Virgo can easily use her ability to adapt to the environment and always be an emphatically polite and correct person to achieve the desired goal. Before you even have time to blink an eye, she is already sitting on the right hand of the director. But he will never show sympathy to the object of his love until he is convinced of the reciprocity of feelings and prospects. But then, even having received a refusal, he will wait patiently: suddenly something will change.
Scales
Whatever the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, over the years and months they all precisely determine one thing: this sign fully lives up to its name. Libra people are constantly in search of mental balance, and therefore do not pay any attention to the material world. Let someone else deal with everyday problems, be it cooking, washing or cleaning, while Libra has more sublime things to do.
People of this sign are always thrown in different directions. Having quickly caught fire with a new idea, they will throw all available resources into making it happen. They will involve a lot of people and create an event of national scale, but halfway through they will get tired of it all. They will quietly move away, leaving others to clean up the mess they have made.
Libra's inconstancy also extends to love affairs. Moreover, this state is so familiar to them that after betrayal they will not even be tormented by their conscience. They are not at all attempting to destroy the family, but they are having an affair. This means they are worthy of forgiveness.
Scorpion
These are real poisonous infections. Funny characteristics of the zodiac signs in poetry and prose glorify their ability to break the hearts of everyone who comes within sight. We must thank for this the natural charm of Scorpios and their ability to seduce. This sign has the ability to constantly fall in love with someone, and every time “to the grave.” The object of attention will immediately be confronted with this fact. It’s unlikely that you will be able to get away from Scorpio’s original advances, and you won’t even want to - he is a subtle psychologist and will certainly be able to find a path to the heart of his beloved (or lover).
Scorpios are leaders from birth and are smart beyond their years. If a representative of this sign has chosen a goal for himself, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, he will go towards it with fundamental stubbornness. And even if you have to destroy everything that gets in your way, this will not stop Scorpio. But he will build a new world after the chaos with the same enthusiasm.
Sagittarius
People of this zodiac sign always achieve their goals, even if this does not happen right away. A funny description of the zodiac signs advises looking at their symbol: everything will immediately become clear. Only if others get what they want thanks to perseverance and hard work, Sagittarius is helped in this by a fair wind, which directs the fired arrows exactly to the bull's eye.
By nature, Sagittarians are true philanthropists. They are always trying to take pity on everyone and feed the suffering (and it doesn’t matter what the recipients themselves think). Their motto is “who else but me?” Employers take advantage of this. Well, Sagittarius won’t mind if you load him with a lot of work. You just need to hint that it is very important for the company that everything gets done. And how exactly - Sagittarius himself will be able to find a way.
But you shouldn’t openly offend Sagittarius. No, they are not vindictive at all, just evil, and they have an excellent memory. They will remind you of all the misunderstandings since kindergarten. And, in general, they will easily speak the truth to your face, at the risk of getting punched in your own face.
Capricorn
This is a pendulum man who always balances between two extremes, as stated by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Children of this sign are characterized by adult seriousness and thoroughness. Capricorn does not part with these qualities even in old age. He throws himself headlong into work, as if into a pool, and it will be simply unrealistic to get him out. He will spend all his mental and physical strength even on a task that is obviously impossible. However, if Capricorn is impatient to go on a spree, then he will devote himself completely to this activity, having uncontrollable fun until complete degradation. It is possible to save him from a sad fate only if he manages to divert attention to something more interesting.
Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If he is convinced that everyone around him is a creeping bastard who has come to success over his head or through his bed, then even if he has a stake on his head, he still won’t be convinced.
Aquarius
Verbose spills out of Aquarius like water from a tap. If anyone is able to withstand this flow for a long time and even be an interesting conversationalist, it’s Gemini. Perhaps we can still argue who will talk to whom in the end.
Love for Aquarius is, first of all, romance: walks under the moon, seeing the dawn. Get ready to conquer ancient ruins shrouded in secrets with him - this is an indispensable attribute of courtship for him. According to the cool characteristics of the zodiac signs, such a person has no equal in poetry and serenades. Aquarius women are accustomed to following the dictates of their hearts. If it tells you that you should be together, wait for her on the doorstep with your suitcases.
What do Aquarians value most? Of course, They are ready to build a three-meter wall around themselves, as long as no one touches them, if they want to be alone. And no siege will help - Aquarius has made the necessary supply of cookies and will live for a long time and not bother in his cozy little world.
Fish
If anyone is capable of creating an alternative fictional reality out of nothing for themselves and those around them, it is Pisces. Moreover, for them the fantasy world will be as real as our usual one. They can easily convince anyone of this. Baron Munchausen, for example, according to the characteristics of the zodiac signs, is an inexperienced and timid fry, a faded egg.
Ask this person for anything - to water flowers in your absence, to write a diploma for you - he will certainly hurt himself, but will fulfill the request. He's such an altruist, there's nothing you can do about it. In love, Pisces are shy and cautious; they will beat around the bush for a long time before taking a step forward. “Vanilla” is about them: sad sighs, touching gifts, awkwardness and tears at night, and, most importantly, all thoughts are only about him (or about her). So if you are ready to take the Pisces who is in love with you and lead her by the elbow in the right direction (and then kick her forward for the rest of her life), go for it.
